Cook just arrived in Beijing with the Apple team, and Luo Yonghao @luoyonghao has been very active on Twitter. The timing is too precise to be a coincidence! Could it be that he’s already dressed in leather and waiting in the lobby of the Four Seasons Hotel, ready to slap the most secretive copy of the “Tender Offer for Acquiring Apple by Smartisan Technology” right in Cook’s face when he checks in?

Honestly, as someone heavily invested in tech stocks, I genuinely feel panicked. As everyone knows, Teacher Luo has an invincible industry mystic physique:
Making phones, the smartphone industry turns into a bloodbath;
Making e-cigarettes, the industry gets delisted across the web;
Creating Bullet Messenger, Tencent wakes up laughing overnight.
If you really let him acquire Apple, $AAPL might have to delist immediately, Nasdaq could halt trading on the spot, and the US stock market might enter an ice age. Old Huang and Musk are rushing over, probably to put out the fire.
Moreover, today’s Chinese X circle is no longer like the Starbucks of the past. The paternalistic trolls and wild mentors here are ten thousand times more formidable than Starbucks staff. Facing this “semi-dump pit” atmosphere, relying solely on the old “medium, large, extra-large” self-slapping speed is probably not enough.
I strongly suggest Teacher Luo to demonstrate top-tier craftsmanship, temporarily give Cook a break, and first develop a “Fully Automatic AI-Driven Anti-Backlash Slap Machine” for live streaming sales. Not only can it help you maintain elegance on Twitter, but it can also help clear your remaining debts. Don’t obsess over phones anymore—bring this sales machine. If it’s launched first, I’ll definitely buy an “extra-large” size to support!