Many people think that discussing the original family is to assign blame, criticize parents, or find the source of their pain. But if we only stay at this level, the topic is not only meaningless but may also become a new form of avoidance. The reason we frequently talk about the original family in this era is fundamentally because the times have changed. In the past, emphasis was on obedience, survival, and continuation, whereas today, more importance is placed on psychological integrity, subjectivity, boundaries, and self-actualization.

The essence of the original family carries the value structure of the old era, yet those who grow up within it must face a completely different world. This dislocation is almost unavoidable, and therefore, almost no one can emerge from the original family unscathed; the difference lies in degree, not in existence.

But the key is not “I have been hurt,” but “what am I going to do next.” If discussing the original family is merely to repeatedly confirm trauma or defend the current situation, it will only stay at the level of explanation, or even become self-rationalization, leading to new stagnation.

A truly valuable discussion treats the original family as a mirror, not a shield. Through it, we see how the old cognitive system shaped us: how we learned to suppress feelings, avoid conflicts, take obedience as safety, view relationships as exchanges, and lose boundaries in intimacy. These patterns are mostly not malicious intentions of parents but are the inherited logic of their era, continuing to operate within us.

The real purpose of discussing the original family is to make people realize that many automatic reactions are not “who I am,” but “what I have learned.” Once we can distinguish these two points, change becomes possible. This is not about blaming parents but understanding the structure; not about denying love but differentiating love from control; not about cutting ties but rebuilding boundaries.

When a person understands the original family in this way, they are no longer just an affected child but begin to become someone responsible for themselves. Maturely discussing the original family ultimately points not to blame but to renewal; not to resentment but to awareness; not to being trapped in a trauma identity but to gaining the freedom to choose anew.