If I Were Trump's Cryptocurrency Advisor — My "Crazy" Suggestions in the White House Basement

April 1, 2026, White House Situation Room
The president roared on the phone about an "overwhelming victory" against Iran. I quietly opened my notebook and jotted down three crypto suggestions. As his only cryptocurrency advisor (actually, I just declared myself), I knew he’d never listen, but what if?

Suggestion 1: Use Bitcoin to Buy Oil
“Mr. President, you’re imposing sanctions on Iranian oil, but China and Russia are still buying. Why not declare that the U.S. strategic Bitcoin reserves can be used to purchase oil from Gulf allies, bypassing SWIFT? That way, Bitcoin would instantly have tangible backing, breaking $100k, and you’d go down in history.” He shot me a glance: “Bitcoin? That thing no one controls?”

Suggestion 2: Issue ‘Trump Coin’ to Hedge Tariff Impacts
“You’ve imposed 50% tariffs on steel, aluminum, and copper, and U.S. manufacturers are suffering. Launch a meme coin ‘TRUMP,’ with tax rebates for small and medium-sized businesses affected by tariffs. Voters airdrop, supporters hold. It boosts your poll numbers and stirs some emotional hype.” He chuckled: “Not a bad idea, but I want a 90% royalty fee.”

Suggestion 3: Deploy USDC Nodes in the Strait of Hormuz
“Since you want to blockade the strait, why not have U.S. warships deploy Starlink + USDC payment nodes nearby? Passing oil tankers could pay ‘escort fees’ in USDC, U.S. earns transaction fees, and dollar dominance turns into crypto dominance.” He paused: “Tell the Secretary of Defense to approve it, and I’ll sign off.”

As expected, not a single suggestion was adopted. On April 2, he signed a 100% tariff on medicines; on April 3, he declared ‘oil grab.’ I sat in the White House basement, bought 0.001 BTC with the red envelope I earned posting on Gate.io. At least, 200 people saw my post.

So, politics and crypto are essentially storytelling games. The difference is, with crypto storytelling, you can vote — with your wallet.

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